both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
