the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
