woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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