so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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