I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
