So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
