I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
