now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i drank out of a bidet.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
