I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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