ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize