I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Your dad touched me again.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
