So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
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