I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
