Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
