let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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