So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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