Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
