and i looked up. we had an audience...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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