4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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