is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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