I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
