I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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