So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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