She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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