This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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