True but thats because hes a fetus.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
