okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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