She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize