Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
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So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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