JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
