happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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