We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
