White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
