Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
