drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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