shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
