Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
