Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my phone needs a breathalizer
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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