the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
