He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
