She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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