He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
