Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
