so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
