Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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