Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
