It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
