I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
