There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
God, I missed his penis.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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