maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
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Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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