Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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