You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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