Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
