My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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