So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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