also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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