so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
