it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
