Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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