I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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