Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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