Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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