I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
