Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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