Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
