Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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