Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
