marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
