So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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