The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
