I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
