Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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